Awkward Note

—For Delilah, of course

Depok, February 27, 2010. I just passed the yesterday hectic yet blank mind due to a lot of this week work accumulation. PKM-GT, Marginal People Advocation (ARM), Sospend. SMART UI and Grand Design SGTS 2011, those are words of which my brain has a game recently. All are big job, while still many small stuffs besides, completing the stress! I do want to go home now, but it is tiring trip that my body is to be crushed more and more. So I decided to get rid all the stress off in Jakarta, there are many good places however. Yeah, I do have to have a day in full zero work before my world becomes so chaos.

I do not want to tell a garbage story about the crowd days, it just makes us bored staring at this blog. There are actually still many interesting stories to share, but I have something somewhat distinguish to write about (emm..) my chaos day.

It’s gone for several weeks. I felt this life as a huge mussy world that my days went erroneously for the reason only I and my Delilah know (sorry for being not obvious). Actually I still did many things even much more than before, but it seemed to be aimless. I did work hard in Kastrat, but it went blank whereas I held huge idealism to contribute for this nation before. I don’t know whether it’s because too much work or something else. However, I confirm that it’s not because our relationship, De. Yeah, something I believe is that there are too many things to organize in my mind. Huh!

So we turn into idealism talk now as the problem I’m experiencing is running out of that stuff. I once chat with my senior about the thing, and he told me to keep being idealist. Everyone who seek job is the same as labour, the difference between both is just the salary, he said. It was high level talk in the beginning of my Kastrat tenure. I responded that the actual world doesn’t deserve those idealist people, they worth to be just in heaven. He didn’t answered me then. It was contradictive that I finished with bad image for idealist future. I ever imagined my future as a staff of a company that I get enough wage to live and fund my children tuition fees, but it’s fast broken by the feeling of idealist; I have to create great change for this nation and the world. The mood is considerably fluctualive; once it’s like immense wave of spirit, but in another turn it become drought. I’m in drought now, long drought.

For me, idealist is a simple common concept of life. Everyone can become idealist in whatsoever the work is. For company staff, idealism means to be honest in allocating the money and spending the time the company entrust, for saler, idealism is to be fair in setting price, for people representative, idealism forms presence in every meering, it’s just simple. By doing so, the world itself is to be change. How does my idealism, I’m still looking for it however.

Actually I didn’t intend to write something even as high as idealism. I just wanna convey for you, my Delilah, here, that the problem isn’t the relationship. I love loving you through this way. The problem we talked before is absolutely mine; it has nothing to do with our relationship, trust me De. I love contributing for your progress, I hope you have received the book I sent. Hoping it works.

It’s a Day Left!

It’s 26 hours left towards my first lecture in second semester. I’m now in Depok preparing everything to head off the next full lecture days; I actually take 23 SKS for this semester, but it takes schedule as if I had 26 SKS. Fuh! That’s ok, I’ll get more benefit however. Apart from my days as a university student, I also accustom myself with the recent new status: in a relationship; I’m trying to be a good boy for my girlfriend. I know it’s said to be somewhat difficult due to distance reason —I’m here in Depok while she’s there in Garut—, but I’ll do my best for her in any ways.

Fuh, this semester will be filled by huge busy days of both lectures and organization activities. I once thought there would be much ‘garbaging’ time as what my seniors ever told, but it actually seems to be so far away from that the term of ‘heaven’. That’s ok, I’ll be busy for many things I love: lectures, Kastrat BEM FISIP UI, and other—which is still— tentative communities. I’ll not forget my ‘Delilah’ in Garut of course.

I’m told that it’s gonna be different to be a university student; for having both lectures and activities in huge portion. Yap, and both are important for me. It has not been obvious, for me, as a freshman, the role of academics for actual life in fact I know I have to do something for people who subsidise me at least Rp 12.250.000 per semester (I was told that the operational fee of each student in University of Indonesia for a semester comes to Rp 17.250.000 while I pay only five million rupiah). Thus, I think my satisfying GPA isn’t enough for feedback of what they defrayed me here. I get to do some concrete however. Anyways, it merely doesn’t mean I disparage academics, it’s as significant as diet for our body. I once red that there was clear distance between literature theories and actual field, but I disagree for hierarchy. Both has it’s own dimension. Therefore, I resolutely target higher GPA and high intense activism for next semester. Amin.

Oke, it’s only about a day left this holidays end. Thanks God, for many great experiences I went through yesterday, I beg Your Hidayah and Inayah henceforth. Amin. For Farihah, I love you, I hope this would bring much progression for us. Good luck for your examinations and all, there. For all, let’s undertake great life, make many things, changes, and benefit for our world.

She’s Vivacious Part II

—Bandung, Jan. 30, 2010 (05 : 08) It’s four hours before Depok departure. I’ve not packed anything to carry yet for not wanting missing the beautiful last dawn in home; I love this home at dawn specially. So I’m filling this beauty with writing; it’s exotic.

For the Vivacious,
anywhere.

How’re you going there? Hoping to be fine in whatsoever your days are. Yeah, I know you recently have many examinations to undertake in this last months of junior high school−or Tsanawiyah. It’ll be somewhat hectic for facing five kinds of test however, but just be tranquil; you’ll have great unforgettable happiness at the time the stuffs passed. ^_^ I did, when I was at your level. Hoping everything would go well, good luck.

It’s turned into some new Vi, only a short after we got the relationship. I can’t describe how, but it’s positive. I feel some vivacity, and so do you, don’t you? It’s normal. However, that vivacity isn’t main reason intended in what something you and me considered to be useless before (I was in your stance about the relationship). We have some intention so that it’ll not go like garbage.

I purely want to make some positive change with this in whatsoever the way we have. Some people might think to be difficult for distance reason, but I don’t. It’s not dating or whatever the stuff they say about getting relationship we mainly expect, it’s progression we intend to make. I and you have agreed for this by the time we decided to go together. “the positive relationship might be if the ‘he’ could bring the ‘she’ to the positive way, and so does the she”, I said then. So Vi, I do believe we, you and I, can make that progression. Just in simple way, not to be so serious anyway.

I promise I’ll get to Garut someday so we can meet there to share many things and implement our plan of souvenir tradeoff. Insya Allah.

Oke, I get to start preparing everything for Depok departure. We’ll go on later. Good luck for your examinations ya, make some success then. See you, Vi.

Regards,

Iqbal

SMART UI: Garut's Iron Stock

I just came home after a hectic week working in Garut for SMART UI Goes to School (SGTS) 2010. It was very tiring moment for both physic and psychology. That was ok, as I got so much fun among that crowd however. Also I got precious lesson about being energetic and vivacious anyways. It was awesome!

Garut, I just left that place for a semester or so, and this month is my first visit afterwards. The highway I initially passed in that small town reminded me to my adolescence undertaken in Islamic boarding school. I ever lived here, in which fraternity and togetherness were above all, in which I spent my teen-age tales; love, deliquencies, and all. However, I no more visited this city as a naive plain high school boy. I’m now a university student with different view at the time I got the gate of that city of dodol.

My first come was colored by anxiousness. Garut is a city enriched by various cultures and resourses; dodol, orange, sheep, gas, and tourism. There were so many potencies to be explored for people welfare. However, I see the inhabitants aren’t in their ideal. There’s —the overwhelming problem actually— poverty, traditionalism, and deep myth grow prosperously. I once visited Situ Bagendit and went a raft up crossing the lake. It spent Rp 30.000 for a turn. When my Dad offered some lower, the employee said that he had only Rp 5.000 from the fee, and the rest must be given to his boss who wasn’t Garut person. Wow! He got far more lower for the ‘property’ he had than alience. I got many stories about primitivism like Kampung Naga, Kampung Duku, etc. I wonder their education access that must be very low. Also myths and all the irrational fiction spread widely to every corner of that city. It’s not Padjajaran Kingdom anymore, it’s now modern age, I said.

I thought the main problem was Garut’s lack access of imformation, given that stuff is crucial for progression in this era. Distance could be reason for previous time, but it’s not available anymore for today borderless world. Our Dads probably had less chance to be like us—to be student in outstanding university, so they also had little information to share with their little brothers and peers. Now the situation is absolutely different. Garut has many sons spred around the world. They are now in many prestigious universities like ITB, UI, UGM, and some foreign institutions. Here we are!

I think it’s now the time to reform Garut towards modern age. I didn’t say to change the cultures, as they are our fundamental. It’s the spirit of modernization we have to overspread to every point in this diamond city through information and event establishment. And we, the Silaturahim Mahasiswa dan Alumni Garut UI (SMART UI) are part of those who have the duty.

We actually have done great job through yesterday SMART UI Goes to School (SGTS), but it still needs many more for reformation. I belive, we, although only a little part, can implement that great change. I remember Mr. Juwono Sudarsono, the former minister of defence and security once said that a 80% of people is influenced by 20%. So, the 20%, it’s time to show up Garut in this nation stage.

I’m glad to work in SMART UI, and impatiently wait for other incredible ideas for Garut progression. Hidup Mahasiswa!

Daftar Mosi Debat SGTS 2010

Kepada semua peserta lomba debat SGTS 2010, ada spesifikasi mosi yang bisa dilihat di bawah ini:

Penyisihan
1. Rencana diberlakukannya UN sebagai standar masuk PTN tahun 2012.
2. Lokalisasi prostitusi di daerah-daerah di Indonesia.
3. Perbanyak jumlah SMK dari SMA dengan perbandingan 60:40.
4. Indonesia memerlukan hutang luar negeri.
5. Kebebasan melakukan operasi ganti alat kelamin.
6. Efektivitas kinerja 100 hari menteri yang berasal dari parpol.

1/8 final
1. Efektivitas penyelenggaraan Pilkada di Indonesia.
2. Pro kontra RUU penyadapan: kewenangan penyadapan oleh KPK.
3. Nuklir sebagai energi alternatif.
4. Kepolisian RI berada dibawah presiden secara lansung.

1/4Final
1. Pemberlakuan UU BHP: liberalisasi pendidikan
2. Pelarangan budaya daerah yang terkait pornografi dan pornoaksi.

Semi final
1. Pelarangan film Balibo.
2. Pengakuan negara Indonesia terhadap pasangan satu jenis kelamin

Final perebutan juara ke-3
1. Pemberlakuan Hukum adat.
2. Pelaksanaan sekolah inklusi di Indonesia.

Final
1. Kebebasan berekspresi di situs jejaring sosial (twitter, facebook).
2. Pengangkatan wakil menteri di Kabinet Indonesia Bersatu jilid II.

Regards,
Iqbal Pirzada
PJ Debat SGTS 2010

Note at 'Garbage Time'

It’s ‘garbage time’* now. I have still two hours before going Depok registering for BEM FISIP UI and being present at PA consultation. I’ve filled this week with hectic jobs in which I got to go through extreme round trip of Bandung-Depok-Garut. It’s oke, I had so much fun in those however.

Nowadays I experience great happiness my life ever (wow!). It’s not because of broading, winning a million dollar lottere, or being accepted by ‘Delilah’. It’s only because some simple stuff: motivation. For the last semester, at the time living in University of Indonesia, I soused myself in the dark pool of stress, problem, inconfidence, and all the complexity. I’ve lived under great pressure at all. Actually I was conscious having sparkle at academic stuff, but I consider it as useless. So I could just looking at the greatness of my peers who have tremendous achievements while I let myself so silent. What an embarrassing!

Recently I read motivation book much. Getting many encouraging wisdom, I know how great potency a man has. Looking at my flashback, I can see how stupid I was. I’ve practically spent all my time only to groan and mourn over my (considered) unjustice life. I accused everyone; my friends, my brothers, my parents, and even God! Huh, what a chaos life I went through! I can’t tell why however.

Now I realize that a man as if could do everything (according to human view, not that of God). I was beaten by Napoleon Hill, Roosevelt, Einstein, and other historical figures. As if they modeled in me with their words “Wake up, notable!’.

Now I see how great my potency is. I started learning guitar, badminton, football, and everything I ever did before. I won’t be silent again, I won’t be loser again.

Actually I have so much to tell here, but there are many things to do right now. See you.

*Garbage time is term used to exerted by IR studet of UI which refers to the jobless time so the one in that condition is assumed as garbage.

Di Balik Ilalang

—Untuk cahaya kecil, yang menyelinap di balik andromeda

(02.00) Malam sudah melewati setengah perjalanannya mengantar hari menelusuri jalanan waktu yang sepi dan gelap. Menuju sang fajar yang menunggunya di ujung timur sana. Diiringi detak jarum jam, desir angin, suara tokek, dan gemerisik dedaunan. Bintang-bintang juga masih asik bermain.

Seseorang masih menulis. Di tengah mimpi-mimpi yang bertebaran bebas, dan godaan kantuk, ia tetap menulis. Tentang secercah cahaya kecil yang ditemukannya lepas senja tadi. Tentang cerita baru yang dialaminya, tentang keberuntungan yang kekal, atau tetap bertahan lama, setidaknya.

Suatu pagi, sore, malam, saat semuanya pudar menjadi begitu buram.
Aku masih mengembara, menelusuri jalanan panjang menuju sebuah utopia besar di khayangan sana. Menjejaki hutan, bukit, gunung-gunung. Sejenak aku berhenti, melihat seorang anak menari-nari di balik alg-alang. Ceria sekali, fikirku. Ia melihatku, tersenyum, dan seakan mengajakku untuk juga ikut menari. Ah, mungkin ini sejenis ritualisme dunia mistis. Entahlah. Aku memutuskan mendekatinya, meski tidak ikut menari; aku tak bisa menari! Sama sekali.

Aku memandanginya, aneh. Lantas ia berhenti menari, dan duduk di sampingku yang masih terheran-heran. Aku bertanya padanya, “Kamu praktisi mistis?” Dia sontak tertawa “Hahaha, bukan, aku orang biasa”. Tapi aku masih belum percaya, biarlah, kusimpan saja keheranan itu. “Aku pengembara”, kataku “aku sedang memburu sesuatu di ujung langit sana.” Wajahnya sesaat menjadi lesu, yah, dia tak tertarik sama sekali. “Aku tak percaya ada orang yang bisa sampai ke sana.” Dia menjawab. Aku pun begitu, sebenarnya. Setengah hatiku juga berteriak tidak mungkin ada yang bisa sampai ke sana. Tapi kalau sama sekali tidak ada yang mencoba, maka khayangan itu akan benar-benar menjadi dongeng anak-anak yang paling indah. Sedangkan aku percaya bahwa itu bukan dongeng, itu ada, dan aku ingin melihatnya.

Lantas aku bertanya tentangnya dan tentang tariannya. Tapi ia hanya tersenyum, senyum mistis yang mengandung banyak teka-teki. Aku tak mengerti, sama sekali. Ia hanya menyelipkan kata-kata ‘mau tau aja, atau ada deh, atau pecahkan sendiri, atau kata-kata lain yang hanya membuatku bertambah tak mengerti. Ah, bisa gila aku dibuatnya. Tapi aku bisa melihat, tersimpan secercah cayaha kecil di balik matanya yang mistis itu. Entahlan.

Hari sudah mulai gelap. Aku tak bisa terus duduk di sini; perjalanan masih panjang. Sudah waktunya kembali berjalan, karena tak terasa detik berlalu begitu cepat, hari melesat menembusi waktu, dan sudah enam bulan aku di sini. Aku tak bisa hanya duduk di sini. Sudah waktunya kembali berjalan..

UTOPIA BREAKER

Sudah hampir dua bulan kita hidup di tempat kita masing-masing. Di tempat yang dulu hanya muncul dalam khayalan kita yang paling tinggi. Ya, dua bulan yang tak mudah, dua bulan yang sulit. Tiba-tiba saja kita harus berhadapan dengan banyak hal berbeda. Teman-teman, budaya, lingkungan, kompetitas, dan banyak hal lainnya. Terlebih di sini, aku hanya mendapati beberapa gelintir orang Sunda, tak ada teman sesekolah, tak kutemui senior dari DA (pernah sekali, dan hanya sepintas saja), membuatku seakan sendiri dalam planet dan peradaban lain. Apalagi kehidupan pesantren yang membentuk diriku sangat berbeda dengan kehidupan anak SMA pada umumnya.

Mungkin kalian juga begitu. Kita sama-sama melewati dua bulan yang sulit ini. Saat dulu kau sms aku meminta saran untuk hidup yang lebih baik, aku langsung sadar ternyata kita mempunyai masalah yang sama; seakan kehilangan segalanya. Jelasnya, dulu kita tumbuh di pesantren dengan kebiasaan yang sama sekali berbeda dengan kehidupan di manapun, dan sekarang kita harus pindah pada kehidupan baru yang berbeda itu. Kita kehilangan pesantren kita, kehilangan hidup kita.

Mungkin ini hanya masalah adaptasi. Kita hanya kaget dan belum mengerti sepenuhnya tentang hidup baru ini. Begitu kufikir. Tapi justru menurutku saat inilah yang penting. Ini adalah saat kita membentuk hidup dan pandangan baru. Saat-saat ini adalah saat kita menentukan ke mana kita melangkah nantinya. Begini, sekarang kita seakan membuang semua titel dan status yang menempel di dada kita sebelumnya. Jika dulu kita ke mana-mana membawa predikat pintar, jenius, kritis, di dada kita, sekarang semua itu harus luntur karena teman-teman baru kita juga sama orang-orang pintar dan jenius. Kalau kata teman baruku yang pernah sekolah di Belanda bilang, di sini kamu seakan menemui copy-paste dirimu sehingga kamu yang tadinya pintar kini menjadi biasa saja seperti yang lainnya. Kita kehilangan status dulu dan mulai mencari status lain sehingga menjadi seperti anak lugu polos yang sedang kebingungan mencari jalan untuk melangkah. Kita menemui kebingungan antara menjadi orang pintar yang entah seperti apa sosoknya, menjadi orang biasa, menjadi pendiam, menjadi aktivis tukang demo, menjadi militeristik, intelektual, debator, atau bahkan menjadi sosok berandal, hedonis, dan, mungkin juga jauh dari agama. Aku fikir tidak mudah bagi seorang yang tadinya dianggap ‘dewa’ kemudian derajatnya turun derastis menjadi orang biasa untuk percaya dan optimis. Ia seperti orang yang terbanting begitu keras dan jatuh kesakitan sampai seakan lumpuh. Jatuh terbanting dari derajat ‘kedewaan’ pada derajat orang biasa. Ia harus memilih, antara berjuang atau putus asa.

Ada satu masalah yang sama kita hadapi di saat seperti ini. Kita tak punya teman yang mengulurkan tangannya untuk membantu kita bangun saat jatuh terbanting tadi. Aku melihat teman-teman baruku di sini datang bersama banyak teman se-SMA-nya, atau setidaknya sedaerahnya. Dengan begitu mereka bisa saling berbagi, mengerti, dan mendorong satu sama lain. Sementara kita datang sendiri-sendiri. Tak ada yang benar-benar mengerti kita sebagai anak pesantren, kita juga tak benar-benar mengerti mereka sebagai anak SMA. Maka meskipun kita akrab dengan teman-teman baru ini, masih ada ruang di mana mereka tak bisa mengerti kita dan kita tak bisa mengerti mereka.

Maka yang kita butuhkan sekarang adalah teman. Orang yang mengerti dan memotivasi kita untuk maju. Orang yang bisa mengerti dan membuat kita tak lagi seakan sendiri. Orang yang dulu kita anggap sebagai keluarga. Orang yang mampu mengarahkan kita pada jalan baru yang lebih baik. Maka UB, sekarang saatnyalah kita berkumpul lagi. Seperti usai solat maghrib dulu, kita berdoa bersama dan berkomitmen bersama. Kita butuh itu sekarang. Dulu kita saling mengingatkan untuk tahajjud bersama, saling membangunkan malam-malam. Kita butuh itu sekarang agar spiritualitas yang–aku yakin– telah membuat kita sukses sampai di universitas terbaik sekarang ini tidak pudar.

Aku mengerti jarak kita tak sedekat dulu. Aku di Depok, kalian di Bandung dan Jogja. Pasti jarak harus menjadi alas an utama kurangnya koordinasi. Ditambah deretan kesibukan lain yang acap kali membuat kita lupa akan segalanya, termasuk ‘keluarga’ kita dulu. Tapi aku ingin kita mengerti keadaan kita sekarang, bahwa kita menghadapi kehidupan yang sulit, dan saat ini adalah saat yang menentukan untuk ke depannya akan seperti apa kita. Setidaknya aku ingin bilang bahwa aku butuh UB sekarang, dan aku fikir kalian pun begitu.

Mari kita berkumpul lagi kawan, dengan komitmen dan idealisme dulu. Cita-cita kita belum selesai. Bukan UGM, ITB, atau UI tujuan akhir kita, bukan itu utopia yang ingin benar-benar kita tembus. Ingat Harvard, ingat Eropa, dan ingat rencana kita untuk bertemu di sana. Aku tak ingin komitmen itu kabur begitu saja karena kita kita salah melangkah dan salah memandang di saat-saat yang menentukan ini. Karena tak ada yang mengulurkan tangannya saat kita jatuh terbanting keras. Bukan putus asa yang harus kita pilih, tapi berjuang dengan sekuat tenaga. Dan kita dapat melakukannya jika bersama seperti dulu.

Oke, aku minta komentar kalian para UB untuk ini. Terima kasih.