Awkward Note

—For Delilah, of course

Depok, February 27, 2010. I just passed the yesterday hectic yet blank mind due to a lot of this week work accumulation. PKM-GT, Marginal People Advocation (ARM), Sospend. SMART UI and Grand Design SGTS 2011, those are words of which my brain has a game recently. All are big job, while still many small stuffs besides, completing the stress! I do want to go home now, but it is tiring trip that my body is to be crushed more and more. So I decided to get rid all the stress off in Jakarta, there are many good places however. Yeah, I do have to have a day in full zero work before my world becomes so chaos.

I do not want to tell a garbage story about the crowd days, it just makes us bored staring at this blog. There are actually still many interesting stories to share, but I have something somewhat distinguish to write about (emm..) my chaos day.

It’s gone for several weeks. I felt this life as a huge mussy world that my days went erroneously for the reason only I and my Delilah know (sorry for being not obvious). Actually I still did many things even much more than before, but it seemed to be aimless. I did work hard in Kastrat, but it went blank whereas I held huge idealism to contribute for this nation before. I don’t know whether it’s because too much work or something else. However, I confirm that it’s not because our relationship, De. Yeah, something I believe is that there are too many things to organize in my mind. Huh!

So we turn into idealism talk now as the problem I’m experiencing is running out of that stuff. I once chat with my senior about the thing, and he told me to keep being idealist. Everyone who seek job is the same as labour, the difference between both is just the salary, he said. It was high level talk in the beginning of my Kastrat tenure. I responded that the actual world doesn’t deserve those idealist people, they worth to be just in heaven. He didn’t answered me then. It was contradictive that I finished with bad image for idealist future. I ever imagined my future as a staff of a company that I get enough wage to live and fund my children tuition fees, but it’s fast broken by the feeling of idealist; I have to create great change for this nation and the world. The mood is considerably fluctualive; once it’s like immense wave of spirit, but in another turn it become drought. I’m in drought now, long drought.

For me, idealist is a simple common concept of life. Everyone can become idealist in whatsoever the work is. For company staff, idealism means to be honest in allocating the money and spending the time the company entrust, for saler, idealism is to be fair in setting price, for people representative, idealism forms presence in every meering, it’s just simple. By doing so, the world itself is to be change. How does my idealism, I’m still looking for it however.

Actually I didn’t intend to write something even as high as idealism. I just wanna convey for you, my Delilah, here, that the problem isn’t the relationship. I love loving you through this way. The problem we talked before is absolutely mine; it has nothing to do with our relationship, trust me De. I love contributing for your progress, I hope you have received the book I sent. Hoping it works.